No Means No: The Responsibilities of the Man and the Woman

The main catch phrase of anti-rape campaigns almost everywhere is "No Means No!". It's effective and certainly should ring true. When a woman says "no" a man should immediately back off. However, many men accused of date rape have spoken of mixed signals etc. While there is no excuse for rape whatsoever there are a few things women need to change.

Many women feel the need to be convinced before having sex with someone. The idea is often that if they say yes the first time, they'll be seen as a slut. So they say no and then expect the guy to try harder until she says yes. This sends the wrong and confusing message. Women need to understand that it's ok to say yes and be comfortable doing so. If a woman says no, she needs to mean no.

Now, there is certainly a difference between convincing a woman and raping her and to any sober and thinking man or women it should be clear but alcohol is often put into the mix. While it is not ok for a sober person to take advantage of someone who is drunk or drug someone, what about the situations where both people are equally drunk or high etc.?

If two people have had sex before where "No" has meant "Try harder" and they are both equally intoxicated than the lines get a little blurry.

I still find it hard to believe that tone etc. aren't clear in most date rape cases and that the guy is not perfectly sure that the woman is saying no but I am saying that women need to take as much responsibility in making sure "No" does mean "no." It's not slutty or shameful to say yes, so if you want to have sex, just say that. If both sides say what they mean than the line will remain clear.